I am Itachi Uchiha?
by Red Moon Lollipop
Summary: What happens when a teenage boy wakes up, and finds himself in the body of Itachi Uchiha, an anime character?
1. Chapter 1

**AN/** **With all those 'Teenage girl finds themselves in the Naruto world' stories, I decided to do something different. This is the story of a boy who finds himself in the body Itachi Uchiha. As of right now, I'm not planning for there to be any pairings. **

**Oh, and I am in no way a boy, so if you see something that a guy would never do or think, please excuse me, because I wouldn't know. Just tell me, and I'll see if I can fix it. If it's a big part of his personality, though, it will not be removed. Sorry. **

**Enjoy the story! ^/-\^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Naruto. **

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Itachi Uchiha.

Honestly, I never thought that hard about him before. Yes, I know who he is. Doesn't everyone who likes Naruto? But I don't really like him, or anything. He's actually kind of boring. He has almost no personality. At all.

His backstory is pretty cool, I guess. He killed his whole family at the order of the council, and lived the rest of his life wanting to be killed by his brother, which is sad.

Really, if there is anyone I hate, it's Sasuke. He lives his life emo, betrays his village, and trains under the creepy Michael Jackson look-alike, all to kill his - innocent - brother. Then, once Itachi's dead and he's told the truth of the massacre, he decides to join the guy who helped kill his family, and try to get revenge on Konoha for making his brother kill his family, even though Itachi did all that to protect Konoha. Really? Does he even have a brain?

But it's not like I like Itachi, or anything. Really, I don't get what all those fangirls see in him.

So why did I wake up as him? I have no idea how it happened. I went to bed normally, but woke up in the same room as a giant shark man.

If this were my sister, she'd probably glomp him or something.

Me? I start yelling my head off.

Kisame- of course I knew who he was; what other blue human sharks are there?- shoots up with a start. He looks around frantically, before settling his eyes on me yelling random stuff at him.

"Where am I?! Who are you?! Where did you take me?! Why are you dressed up as a Naruto character?! If Maya put you up to this, it's not funny. Why did I have to be kidnapped by a cosplayer of all things?! What do you want with me?! Are you going to kill me?! You can't kill me! I have to take care of Maya! Well, my parents can do that good enough, but she'd be really upset if I died! Not to mention my parents! You probably don't care... I have a terrible illness! It's very contagious! You'll catch it if you don't let me go! Just-mmph!" The Kisame cosplayer put his hand over my mouth, looking slightly overwhelmed. I guess I'm being a bit more chatty than normal. But I just woke up in the same room as an anime character. You can't blame me for freaking out.

"Are you going to say anything if I remove my hand?" he asks. I don't nod or shake my head. Of course I'll talk. Or yell, and hope someone hears me.

He takes his hand away, taking my silence as a no. I open my mouth and start yelling.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"Sorry, Itachi," Kisame mutters. Itachi? Is my last thought as feel a thump on the back of my head, and everything goes black.

X/-\X

I wake up to the sound of voices. "...Acting very weird... ... Yelling like a maniac... ... Knocked out..."

I blink to clear my eyes and stare at the sight before me. There is the same Kisame cosplayer as before, but now, there's a Pein cosplayer there also, talking to him.

Was I kidnapped and taken to an anime convention or something?

I decide it would be stupid to let them know I'm awake, so I pretend to still be asleep. I even put in a couple of quiet snores to make it authentic.

Why did they stop talking?

"Itachi," one of them says, and my snores falter. There's an Itachi cosplayer here also?! I really was taken to an anime convention, wasn't I?

"Itachi," they repeat. What's with this Itachi guy, and why doesn't he respond to them?

"Itachi. We know you're faking," he says. Wait, is he talking to me?

"I think you're mistaken," I say, sitting up and looking at the guy dressed as Pein. "I'm not Itachi. My name is... Ben. Ben Dover." Of course, that isn't actually my name, but I'm not about to reveal my actual name. I mean, they did kidnap me.

The Pein cosplayer glances at the Kisame cosplayer. "I see what you mean," he says. He looks at me. "No. Your name is Itachi Uchiha."

My eyes widen. "Oh, I know what this is! You're a really weird, overly passionate anime fan that kidnaps people and force them to dress like your favorite characters! Well, you picked a bad person to be Itachi, because I'm nothing like him. He all, 'Hn. You lack hatred. Hn,' like he's trying to be cool or something." The Kisame cosplayer starts laughing.

"Yup, that's Itachi to a T!" he says, cracking up. It isn't really that funny.

"Kisame, stop playing along with him," the Pein cosplayer says. Jerk.

Then a guy with a huge Venus fly trap thing around his head merges out of the floor. "Leader-sama-"

"EYAAAAAGH!" I exclaim, scooting away from him, eyes wide. "YOU JUST CAME OUT OF THE FLOOR!"

He looks at me strangely. "-No duh, idiot.- Leader-sama, is Itachi feeling alright?"

"NO I AM NOT! YOU JUST CAME OUT OF THE FLOOR! AND MY NAME IS NOT ITACHI!" He's real! He's actually the real Zetsu!

If he is real, then so are Kisame and Pein. And they keep calling me Itachi...

I lift my hand to the back of my head and finger my now long, black hair, pulled into a ponytail.

No. Way.

Am I really... Itachi Uchiha?

...

Well, I may as well go with it, until the shock kicks in.

I start laughing really hard. "Ahhahahahahaha! I got you!" I point at them, still laughing. "You thought I wasn't Itachi!"

"No, we didn-"

"Ah, that was fun," I interrupt Pein, "But I'm going back to my room." I walk out the door, still chuckling. They were probably really confused now.

Good.

You may be thinking that I'm really taking this in stride. I am. But I'm also inwardly freaking out. I'm normally a lot more calm than what I displayed in front of Pein, Kisame, and Zetsu. But really. What would you do in my place?

I suddenly realize the magnitude of my situation. I'm in the Naruto world. I can change things!

I haven't been really happy with the turn things were taking in the manga. A ton of my favorite characters are being killed off (Jiraiya). And others have been completely ruined (Sasuke). But now...

I could change things... For the better!

Starting with Itachi's - my - personality.

No more would be the quiet, solemn man who wants nothing more than to be killed by his younger brother.

I will redefine the meaning of Uchiha!

Look out world- here comes Itachi Uchiha!

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**And there's chapter one! I won't have regular updates; I'll try hard to update as much as I can, but I can't promise anything. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Lost

**Chapter two! I actually got this up a lot quicker than I thought I would. Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **

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Recap:

I could change things... For the better!

Starting with Itachi's - my - personality.

No more would be the quiet, solemn man who wants nothing more than to be killed by his younger brother.

I will redefine the meaning of Uchiha!

Look out world- here comes Itachi Uchiha!

^/-\^

Now, my first order of business... Find out how far in the series I am.

I start walking in a random direction, having no idea where anything was in this place. They never did show much of the Akatsuki base in the anime, so I pretty much have no clue what the layout is. I'm just looking for the first person I run into.

If they even are a person. From what I remember, there are quite a few members that can't be considered human.

"Uchiha?" I turn around to see a blond man with long bangs covering one eye. Deidara. "What are you doing in my room, un?"

I grin at him, taking him by surprise. "Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to ask you a quick question, then I'll be on my way."

Deidara looks at me weirdly. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Listen, is Tobi your partner? Uh... Hidan really wants to know," I say, naming the first Akatsuki member that came to my head.

"Why does Hidan want to know something like that?" Deidara questions. "No. Sasori-no-danna is. He really should know that by now."

"Ok..." I take a mental note of this. So before Shippuden. How far back? "Now, did I go on a mission to Konoha, looking for the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki? Hidan really, really wants to know."

"Why couldn't you answer that?" Deidara accused.

"I forgot," I quickly improvise. "In fact, I've forgotten pretty much all of my missions while in Akatsuki. So you shouldn't ask me about them. I won't know."

"O-kay..." Deidara says slowly. "No, I'm pretty sure you haven't. After all, you haven't been to Konoha since-" He suddenly winces, as if expecting me to lash out at him.

Of course, I don't. Even if the massacre was a sore spot for the real Itachi, I really couldn't care less.

And apparantly, I've appeared before Itachi's debut in the series. Score! I can totally screw things up!

"Alright, thanks!" I say, causing Deidara to look up at me in surprise. "I'm sure Hidan will really appreciate this!" I walk out, then return after realizing something important. "Um... How do I get to my room?"

Deidara's eye narrows in suspicion. "Are you an imposter?"

I laugh. "Imposter? Naw. I can prove it..." How will I prove it? Oh! "Sharingan. See?"

I close my eyes and concentrate. _Sharingan, sharingan, come on, sharingan!_

I open my eyes, revealing the black wheel spinning in front of a red background. Deidara's eyes widen, then he falls to the ground.

I cheer. "Yes! I did it!" I crow, feeling accomplished. I then look down at Deidara.

"Sorry about that," I apologize.

"Wha- what was that?" Deidara gasps, out of breath.

"Something called the 'sharingan'," I explain. "Also known as, 'The epitome of awesomeness.'"

Deidara glares at me. "I know that! I mean, what did you make me do?"

I winked. "That, my friend, was a common torture device used by gym teachers everywhere. It is known by the name of 'suicides'." I chuckle as I walk out. "I'm sure that now you know why."

Seventy-two hours of suicides with a gym teacher yelling at you the whole time. How many of you out there can honestly say that that isn't torture, even to a ninja?

Sometimes, I'm so evil, I scare myself.

As I walk down the hallway, I suddenly stop.

... I never did get the directions back to my room.

I slam my forehead against the wall, feeling like an idiot. Great job, me. Now you're just as lost as before.

"Itachi?" I look up to see Tobi next to me, staring. "What are you doing?"

I force a smile. Tobi. The true mastermind behind Akatsuki. And Itachi knows who he is, so he doesn't have to act like an idiot. ... I'd rather he did, to tell the truth. So I decide to force him back into his Tobi personality. "Ah, Tobi. Just the person I wanted to see. I seem to have lost my way. Could you be so kind as to give me directions back to my room?" I say this while cocking my head towards a nearby doorway, as if someone's in there listening in. Even though it could be empty, for all I know.

Tobi catches my hint, and cocks his head in a childish manner. "Is Itachi-san feeling okay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I complain. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just lost. Now, would Tobi be a good boy and direct me back to my room?" I say, deciding to appeal to his Tobi persona.

Tobi brightened. "Yes! Tobi is a good boy! Just take a right down the next hallway, then walk until you reach the sixth door down. Go through that door, then take a left at the next turn, and your room will be the 8th door down that hallway. Was Tobi a good boy?"

My mind reels. Geez! This place is like a labyrinth! "Yes, Tobi is a good boy," I tell the eager masked man. "... But there's something I've always wondered..."

"What is it?" Tobi asks.

"... Does your mask taste like a lollipop?" I question.

Tobi sweatdrops, then looks thoughtful. "Tobi never tried. Hmm..."

I leave him standing there, contemplating that question, and try to direct myself back to my room. Take a right... Got it...

Now, was it the fifth or sixth door?

I'm pretty sure it was the sixth, but I can't be sure. I peek my head through the fifth, and instantly regret it.

"Ah, hello, Hidan... Sorry to bother you, you seem busy... I'll just... leave now..." I quickly flee the room.

Note to self: Avoid Hidan during his rituals.

Eventually, I stumble my way back to my room, and collapse onto a bed, sighing in relief.

Next time, I'll take a guide.

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**And that was chapter two! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Games, Pranks, and Meetings

**A/N: No actual pillows were harmed in the making of this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Naruto. **

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3rd Person POV:

All the Akatsuki except Itachi gather in Pein's office for a meeting. They are to discuss the sudden change in personality of one of their strongest members, Itachi Uchiha.

"As some of you may know," Pein begins, "There has been an odd occurrence. Itachi has been acting... strange... lately."

Deidara snorts. "Understatement of the century."

"According to accounts from some members," Pein continues, ignoring Deidara, "Not only was he extremely different personality-wise, he also seemed to be lacking in memory. He apparantly 'forgot all his missions from his time in Akatsuki', and had to get directions from Tobi back to his room. Normally, this would be a big clue in that he's an imposter. But he has proven that false also, by using the sharingan on Deidara." He sighs. "It is unknown what caused this, and how long it's going to stay. For now, we must keep an eye out on him, and report any unusual occurrences. Understand?"

The Akatsuki members nod. "Yes, leader-sama."

'/-\'

Itachi POV:

I hear the sound of a door opening, and open my eyes. Huh. It seems I drifted off earlier.

"You woke me up," I complain as Kisame walks in the room. "Now how am I going to get my beauty sleep?"

He furrows his eyebrows. "Beauty sleep?"

"Yeah. Looks like these," I gesture to myself, "Aren't easy to come by. They take hard work and sweat."

"How is sleeping 'hard work and sweat'?" Kisame asks dryly.

I stare at him.

"You know what? Forget you," I say suddenly, standing up. "You obviously don't understand." I walk out of the room, then immediately turn around and come back in. "That was to show you what I would have done, had I been confident I'd be able to find my way back. So just know that in theory, you're awkwardly sitting here alone, and I'm walking away, laughing." I sit down on my bed, nodding to myself.

He blinks. "Okay..."

Silence.

I stand up again. "This is boring." I turn to the shark-man. "Want to play a game?"

"Huh?"

"The rules are simple," I explain. "I pick a category. For example, animals. Then I name an animal, and you'd have to come up with one that starts with the last letter of that word. So if I said cat, you could say tiger. Okay?"

Kisame's eyes dart to the doorway, then back to me looking at him expectantly. He twitches.

"I'll go first," I say, deciding to take his silence as a yes. "Dog."

He sighs, resigning himself to his fate. "... Gorilla," he says reluctantly.

"Alligator."

"Rhino."

"Ostrich."

"Hippo."

"Octopus."

"Snake."

"Elephant."

"Turtle."

"Why do you keep doing vowels? Um... Eagle."

"Eel."

"Llama. Ah, hello, Kakuzu! How long have you been there?" Kakuzu is standing in the open doorway, watching us name random animals.

"Not long enough, apparently, seeing how I have no clue what's going on," he mutters.

I wave him over. "Come and join us!"

"No," he deadpans, and walks away.

I sigh. "Too bad. Where were we? Oh yeah! You have 'a'."

"... Do I have to?"

"You're right, this is getting kind of boring," I agree. He breaths a sigh of relief. "... I have a different game!"

His relief is short lived.

"20 questions! I'll think of something, and you'll ask 20 yes or no questions. At the end, you'll guess what it is I'm thinking of. You can guess anytime sooner, but if you guess wrong, the game's over, and you lose." I think to myself. What should I do... "Ah! I got it! Go ahead and guess!"

"Is it a hat?" he asks without hesitation.

"... You're doing your final guess already?" I question.

"Yes."

"Um... No, it isn't."

"Ah, too bad. I guess I lost. Game over." He quickly stands up and walks out of the room. "See ya."

I blink, not fully comprehending what happened.

... Did he just escape me?

Great. Now I'm stuck here with nothing to do.

Stupid Kisame. I'm going to prank him for that.

I look around the room for things I can use to do my prank. ... ... Okay, all I see are the beds. Where is anything?! Like our clothes!

Whatever. I guess I'll have to be more resourceful.

I reach for a pillow and press on it. Good. It's a feather pillow. Now I have a bunch of feathers to use!

I put that pillow down and pick up Kisame's instead. I'm not about to use my pillow for this! I need it to sleep on!

... But Kisame can sleep on the floor, for all I care.

I rip the pillow in half, watching the feathers burst from it and float to the floor. Where should I put all of them?

I check under the beds to see if there's anything I can use to hold them. Preferably a bucket. But I doubt I'll find a random bucket stashed under either of our beds, so I'll have to make do with what I've got.

... Which is one of Kisame's shoes. Man, his feet are big.

I stuff all the feathers in the shoe, and have the door open a crack, sitting the shoe on top. If I'm lucky, not only will the feathers fall all over him when he comes in, the shoe will hit him right on the head.

If only I had some glue. Sigh. I guess I'll have to go without.

I sit back on my bed, watching and waiting for something to happen.

... I really hope this doesn't take too long. I'm bored already.

Eventually, after five minutes of mind numbing boredom, the door opens. I perk up in anticipation.

The shoe falls.

"... You're not Kisame," I realize. A shocked Konan stands there, not sure what just happened.

"Pein- sama has called for a meeting," she says, giving me a look that clearly says, 'I'll pretend this didn't happen'. "Be there in five minutes."

And she leaves.

"... Wait!" I say, running over to the door. "How do I get-" Peeking out, I realize that she already disappeared.

Great. This'll be fun.

-/_\-

I open what probably is the twentieth door I've checked in so far. Geez! How many rooms do they need in this place? You'd think they could at least label them.

I open another door and peek in. All of the Akatsuki members turn around and look at me.

"Yes!" I cheer. "I found it!"

"Why are you late?" Pein asks sternly.

I rub the back of my head sheepishly. "Sorry. I was lost."

Pein stares at me for a few seconds, before turning away. "Don't do it again."

I salute him. "Yes, sir!"

"Now, as I was saying," Pein continues, "Next week, I will send two of you to go capture a Jinchuuriki. I don't know who yet, so I'm warning all of you. Know that I do not expect failure. Understand?"

We all nod. "Yes, Leader-sama."

"Good. You may go." He waves his hand toward the door, dismissing all of us. I stand there as everyone files out of the room.

... That was it?

I looked all over the base for _this_?

It lasted, what, thirty seconds? That's all!

... I'm never leaving my room again.

That is, if I can find my way back.

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**That was chapter 3! Please review**


	4. Chapter 4: Hot Tubs

**Here's chapter four! I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **

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I wander through the empty hallway, looking around. I've decided to just get a good idea of where the necessities are, like the kitchen and the bathroom, so I don't have to worry about starving to death or soiling my pants.

I eventually find myself in the kitchen. It's actually a lot bigger than I thought it would be; it even has two fridges! Although I guess that's expected for a group of ten people.

Come to think of it, I'm kind of hungry.

I go over to one of the fridges and open it. I stare. And lose my appetite.

Just when I'm starting to think that these guys are semi-normal, I figure out that they store dead bodies in the kitchen. Wonderful.

"Itachi." I turn around and see Zetsu standing right behind me. "What are you doing in our fridge? **This is our food. Go away.**"

Oh. These are Zetsu's. That explains it.

"I was just looking," I say, closing the door. "You see, I lost my... my toothbrush, and I was wondering if it was in there." Right after I say this, I realize how stupid this sounds.

Zetsu gives me a weird look. "**Are you stupid?** We haven't seen it. It's probably in the bathroom **idiot.** That wasn't necessary.** Shut up.**"

I leave Zetsu there, arguing with himself, and head off to look for the bathroom.

Note to self: leave Zetsu's fridge alone.

"Oy, Uchiha," I hear as I walk down the hallway. I look to see Hidan standing there. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for the bathrooms," I tell him. "You wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you?"

He gives me an annoyed look. "Of course I know! What do you think, that I *beep* in a bush?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," I say, grinning. That'll probably make him really angry.

"*beep* you, Uchiha!" the Jashinist yells. "You can go *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*!"

I smirk and walk away. I was right. Hidan is very predictable; after all, there are probably hundreds of clones of him that go to my school. At least, I assume they're clones of him; they have the exact same personality.

Ah, school. A wonderful place of peace and prosperity where learning is everyone's top priority. At least, from what I've heard.

I glance to my left, and see a door with a sign on it. Reading the sign, I see it says, "Bathroom. Please knock before entering."

Well, at least they labeled the bathroom, if only to tell people to knock. Now if only they'd do that to the rest of the rooms.

I knock on the door, then go in when there's no response. I stop and stare in shock.

You know, I've said before how these people live different than I'd imagine. But this really takes the cake.

This is supposed to be a bathroom, not a resort!

There are enough bathtubs for each person to have one, and even a hot tub in the corner! Not only that, but they have ten toilets and ten sinks! And they all have pretty little name tags on them to identify whose it is!

I'm surprised, to tell the truth. I didn't think Kakuzu would go for something like this. Seems pretty expensive.

Although, I guess I can see why they'd do this. I don't think anyone would want to share a toilet with Zetsu.

And it's not like I'm complaining. I think it's awesome!

I head over to the hot tub. It would be nice to soak in it right now, and I don't want to let it go to waste.

But then I notice the name tag.

I sigh. Of course. Now I know why the bathroom is like this. Konan really has too much sway over Pein. I know she's his childhood friend and all, but this is too much. Her own hot tub? Really? That's not fair.

I should get my own hot tub, too. After all, I am Itachi Uchiha, murderer extraordinaire.

That's actually a really cool title. I should make business cards with that. _Itachi Uchiha, murderer extraordinaire. Will kill anyone for the low, low fee of $100. Discounts will be given to regulars. _

Off topic. I need to see Pein about the hot tub thing. I'm sure if I ask nicely enough, he'll say yes!

^/-\^

"No," Pein states bluntly.

"What?!" I exclaim. "But I gave a whole big speech about it! I had a complete introduction where I clearly stated my request! I gave three reasons and explained my reasoning! I added a conclusion where I restated my request in different words! You can't say no to that!"

"I just did," he says. "And I'll say it again: no."

"Why?" I whine. "You gave one to Konan."

"We don't have the money for luxuries like that," Pein explains simply, ignoring my statement about Konan. "You have to go without."

"Yeah, because you spent all the money on your girlfriend," I mutter under my breath.

Apparently Pein hears me, because he shoots me a sharp glare. "What was that?" he growls.

"Nothing!" I quickly say, bowing. "I'll be going now!" And I quickly leave the room.

Pein can be really scary at times.

:_:

I run into Konan on my way back to my room. Upon seeing her, I immediately shoot her a glare.

She sighs. "What is it, Itachi?"

"Why do you get your own hot tub, and I don't?" I complain for probably the tenth time that day.

"Because I'm a girl," she says.

I blink. "That's it? Because you're a girl? That's even more unfair! I mean, I guess I'd sort of understand if it was because you're Leader's girlfriend and he's biased about it," Konan's eyes widen and she opens her mouth to protest, but I don't leave her any room to talk. "But this is just unfair! People can't control what gender they are! It's like saying that I get all the chocolate in the base because I have a brother! It's not something I can help! I say yes to gender equality, everyone! We should all have equal rights! If girls get automatic, free hot tubs, I say us guys should, also! I-"

I stop after realizing that Konan isn't there anymore. She most likely left halfway through my rant.

Why do I even bother talking? No one ever listens to me, anyways.

I should riot. For all of tomorrow, I won't say a word to anyone, even if they try talking to me. That'll teach them.

... I hope I survive.

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**That was chapter four! I don't know when I'll next get the chance to update; I'm going to be busy for a while, and I don't know when I'll get the time to write. If I can, though, I will. Please review!**


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